Period blog/WIWTM Nov 2016

If any of you readers don’t want to read about menstruations, bleeding of the lady parts or the general monthly complaints of a women then look away now. Seriously, you have been warned.

For those of you still hanging in there, it’s that time again. I’m writing a little early then I usually would as I haven’t start yet. From day 17 of my cycle I have been getting mild cramps as though I was about to start but still not started and I’m technically due in two days. If you’re my regular readers, you’ll know I have been late for my more recent periods and I’ve been having a few health issues that have been effecting how I’m coping. I’m still ill every two weeks or so and have been taking various medications that the doctors are trying me on and I think they have been effecting my cycle as a whole rather than just the period itself. So, I thought this was something to note, medication really does effects your cycle, from it being late to the overall symptoms. I’ve been using Clue to keep track recently, not a big fan so far but I’m going to stick it out a bit longer as it is showing some patterns. For those of you taking medications, especially new ones, it is important to monitor you cycles! Any changes can show that something is wrong (or right) or being generally effected by the medicine and your doctor might ask you about these things to help with making a diagnosis. Now I’ll leave this little health update and will start writing again when the bleeding starts. My tenses will be all over the place as I write it both as a diary and retrospectively, please let me know if you want me to change this as it is confusing. I’ve written a bit differently this month just to see if it works a bit better.

So I started only two days late! I’m really happy with that, things finally seem to be settling back into my normal pattern. I’ve been a bit achy for the last few days and a tiny bit of brown spotting last night but didn’t start until this morning. I swapped over from lights onto a moderate around lunchtime, felt really queasy and bloated all morning but no cramps. The cramps hit in the afternoon when I was eating my tea and I grabbed my hot water bottle and took some ibuprofen to take the edge off. I have been taking Magnesium capsules for the past two days when I knew I was due to start, I wanted to see if they would take the edge off. So far my cramping isn’t bad so I’m hopeful, but I’m still going to have a hot shower and an early night just to get some rest. No lectures tomorrow so I can take it easy if anything gets worse.

So, this morning was hell. I woke up around 9am but my cramps were so bad that I couldn’t move, not even to my bedside draw to grab my painkillers and drink. I think I was a little delirious with the pain to be honest but all I wanted was a hot water bottle. In the end, I could finally move around 10ish and that was to the bathroom as I hoped nipping to the loo would help with the cramps, not only was it a bloodbath but I was stuck there for a while, still cramping. By 11 I had managed to take painkillers and grab a hot water bottle but still not eaten as I couldn’t stand long enough to grab food. Plus, today was delivery day so I didn’t have much in at that point. I actually went back to bed at 12 to try and sleep off the pain, and I had been so uncomfortable that I felt drained. I woke up again at 2 and I’ve been drugged all afternoon. I can move now but standing for longer than 5 minutes is not a good idea; I have managed a bowl of cereal and a cheese toasty though. My food came around 4pm and I live on the 2nd floor so had to carry a heavy tray of food (with milk, smoothies and juice) all the way upstairs and put it away before I collapsed onto my bed in pain. I have an assignment due Monday so I’ve tried to do some of that but things are a bit blurry today. I really am back to normal as this level of pain is usual for my cycle. So far it means the magnesium hasn’t worked. Early night for me tonight.

Day three and still a bit crampy so I took some painkillers this morning. I’m still quite heavy today and its making me feel a bit drained and I can’t be arsed to do anything. I’ve had another lazy day and just watched TV and my guilty pleasure, read fanfiction. My assignment has been left alone unfortunately so I’m not doing very well with that. Oh well, another early night before back to lectures tomorrow.

Day four brought bloating, nausea and more cramps. I think they were cause by the bloating more than regular cramps though. I’ve not been overly heavy today but still uncomfortable. The nausea was pretty bad and I’ve had no appetite and no motivation. Hopefully my stomach will calm down a bit overnight so I can focus on my assignments over the weekend, otherwise it’s going to be a long few days ahead.

Day five, I’m really drained today and finding it hard to focus again. I keep getting niggling headaches that aren’t helping at all. I still don’t have much of an appetite, I’m snacking to keep something in my stomach but I really don’t fancy food. My cycle has lightened up quite a bit but still wearing moderate pads, wouldn’t get away with lights yet. Still gassy and crampy, also been a bit constipated as opposed to the borderline diarrhoea of the first day, just one more thing to add to the discomfort of menstruation. Another early night tonight, but I’m doing work before I turn in.

Day six and I have lightened up a lot but still wearing my normal pads just in case things get heavier. Been getting a few headaches again today and I think they’re here to stay for the next week or so as my hormones level out. It would be wrong if I suffered only as I’m bleeding after all, mother nature must cause suffering for as long as possible as we cycle.

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We have reached the end, no spotting today, no cramps, no bloating. Still gassy and have a headache but that’s just how things go. It’s been a horrible and draining week that I’m glad is over. I have a stressful two weeks ahead with deadlines so I’m really hoping these headaches die down a bit in the next few days.

As always, thank you for reading! Please let me know if your disappointed with the new way I’m laying this out (lack of individual pictures).

Charlotte x

 

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Citalopram withdrawals, my anxiety

Sorry this is going to be a bit of a ranty post as i’m feeling a bit rubbish and wanted to complain. A lot of people are aware that I’ve been taking anti-anxiety medication for the past year or so. I started taking Citalopram when my panic attacks started to happen every day instead of every other week and my anxiety was pretty much constant. I finally decided it was time for me to come off of the meds! I’m not going to lie, my panic attacks haven’t stopped but have become less frequent and I’m better at controlling my attacks and so I thought the summer before my second year would be perfect. It would have been ideal if I didn’t have to work but I’m struggling through alright. You just won’t see me outside of work and will very likely hear me say I’m feeling ill. Get used to hearing me say this as it’s supposed to last a while.

Before I get in to how I’m currently feeling I’ll let you all know that whilst taking these pills I felt a hell of a lot better than I did at this time last year. I could control my anxiety and I went 9 months without having a full panic attack. I don’t think I’ve ever gone that long without having one before and it felt amazing. The first week taking them I felt pretty rough. Every side effect listed I felt other than the suicidal thoughts thankfully. Because I was a mess and seriously questioned whether I’d made the right choice. To anyone currently going through that, don’t give up! Once your system is used to them they will hopefully help you as much as they did me. If not then go back to the GP and see what can be done! It’s worth sorting out.

On to the coming off of citalopram. I did as advised and before I decided to stop taking them I visited the doctor to see what he recommended. In his words ‘if they’re no longer working then just stop taking them’ this didn’t sound right to me as I’d been told not to stop and that I should come off them slowly but when I asked he told me it would be fine to just stop. Worst thing I’ve done, ever! It has been 10 days since I last took a tablet and I feel absolutely awful. I’m going to bed at 8.30 every night and have disrupted sleep, night sweats and vivid dreams. I could cope with the constantly being tired but I can’t handle the constant nausea. I have only vomited the once and honestly wish it was more because sometimes puking makes you feel better. I feel like the room is spinning and all unbalanced and horrible. These mainly hit in an afternoon and I try to eat as much when I first get up as I can because no matter how hungry I feel later in the day, I struggle to eat. If anyone comes in to contact with me in the next few weeks I apologise in advance as I can be a bit impatient and snappy even when I don’t mean to be.

I feel awful and wanted to share this as if you’re advised to just stop taking this medication, please question the doctor! I knew better, I should have followed my instincts and weaned myself off of them but I didn’t think it would be this bad. This withdrawal can apparently last around 6weeks and so I still have another month of feeling like this. If you have any tips on how to make things better then I’ll love you forever. I’m also due to start my period any day and so i’m very likely to feel even worse, so you all may want to avoid me in the next week or so.

Even feeling shitty as I do, I would still go on this medication if I reached that emotional point again, they are worth it! I’m proud of myself for coming off of them even though I currently would trade my body for anyone else’s. Anyone out there that is depressed or anxious or has attacks, please don’t wait until it reaches boiling point before you get help. There are milder medications then what I’ve taken! If you don’t want to try prescription medication then try herbal ones. Don’t let it linger. If anyone wants to know how I cope with my anxiety or anything about my attacks and what I’ve found sets me off, then don’t hesitate to ask. As I’m sure everyone is aware from having read my blogs, I’m pretty open to talk about anything, so just ask!

Now if you don’t mind I’m going to go curl up in a ball and feel sorry for myself before I have to get up for my 7am shift tomorrow.

Charlotte x